Mister President?

IS POTUS QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT?

What a silly question! Just look at that face! There's not a mean bone in his body. He is genuine, sincere, kind, and modest. He longs not for power, but to please. Instead of wealth and fame, he longs for peace - peace for everyone, regardless of who they are or where they might be. He's not obsessed with image and is unphased by flattery. He is incorrupt and incorruptible. What more could we want in a president?

Experience? Political savvy? Connec-tions? Those are the things he hasn't got. But those are also the characteristics that went into making Tricky Dicky (Nixon), Watergate, Vietnam, the dreadful Reagan interventionist legacy, budget deficits and more budget deficits, the wanton destruction of Baghdad, the ongoing slaughter of the Iraqis (millions of deaths if you include the sanctions), the humiliation of American troops in Somalia (again sent on an illogical mission, first by Bush and then by Clinton), the bombing of a medicine factory in Khartoum, the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and now 11 September, the Patriot (suspend civil liberties plus) Act, and the so-called "war on terrorism" of the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld administration. It is the diabolical cleverness of some politicians, their lust for power, and sheer recklessness on their part that has brought us such tragic and disturbing events.

Let it be no more. Potus is qualified be-cause he is not well-connected, not politically sophisticated, and not experienced (i.e., en-trenched) in the system. He's fresh. He's clean. He's cute. And let there be no doubt about it; Potus is the right ham for the job!

And now let us look at previous Hamster For President candidates. Potus comes from a long line of honorable political hamsters.

PAST CANDIDATES

Potus is a direct descendant of that great one, Mister Ganja, who became the first hamster ever to run for president in 1996. Mister Ganja was succeeded by his daughter, Ms. Ganjette, our second Hamster For President candidate, who ran for president beginning in 1998, th eyear of her birth. Ms. Ganjette married the distinguished Scratch, a great great grandson of the illustrious superhamster, Sherman. Scratch was also her running mate.

After the death of lovely Ganjette (and the subsequent resignation of Scratch as vice presidential candidate), a hamster convention in Washington nominated Diddley Squat (24 March 2000-19June 2002) and his litter-mate-brother Yarash, Junior (24 March 2000-30 January 2002) to run in the 2000 race. And run they did. No candidate before them got as much attention - interviews with Diddley appeared in on-line "e-magazines," his candidacy was announced and the Hamster For President web site pictured in in daily newspapers, and he was even a guest on a college radio station. All this happened in the weeks and days immediately before the 2000 election. Many believe that it was their popularity, which rose dramatically just before the vote, that skewed the election (not just in Florida but many other places, too) and resulted in the electoral crisis of 2000. In fact, there are some who think that, had all the write-ins (so-called "under-votes") been counted, they won the election.

Potus was selected to succeed Diddley Squat in the summer of 2002. He is unmarried (so far), and has devoted his life to this campaign.

Above: a thoughtful potus explores a bookshelf

 

The prestigious former candidates, a genealogy, and a history of the Hamster For President movement can be found here.

For pictures of former candidates Ms. Ganjette and Scratch, click here. And for a genealogy of Potus's predecessor candidates in the Hamster For President movement, Diddley Squat and Yarash, Junior, click here. There are also photo-spreads of Diddley and Yarash Junior ("YJ"), though hamsters as great as these need no such memorials to preserve their place in history.

And finally, you can look at the genealogy of our candidate, Potus.

QUALIFICATIONS

Politics, as practiced in the human domain, is a term that comes from the latin poly, which means "many," and tics, as in blood sucking insects. Only hamsters can liberate the country from the scourage of poly-tics as it exists today. Potus, is uniquely qualified to end the human monopoly on the means of violence and coercion. If elected, he will deconstruct the purposeless, frustrating red tape of government. Those zillions of pages of budget allocations and conditions and stipulations, foreign affairs and national defense legislation, agency appropriations and guidelines, weapons development and procurement, pork-barrel grant agreements, intelligence bureaus and spy missions, and program management -- paperwork, paperwork, paperwork -- will all be shredded and turned into bedding for rodent nests (after the reporters have read it, of course), thus ending the life-devouring political establishment as we know it.

With Potus in the White House, the chains that tie us to an wretched, exploitive political and economic system will be broken at last; people of every class and color and creed will be made equal; and the world will be lifted from the feudalism of fear and intimidation. There will be no more corruption, no random acts of conspiratorial violence, and no war. Only by putting a great hamster in the White House can this total revolution be accomplished.



Vote HAMSTER in 2004

Openness, as Diddley Squat and YJ used to say, is the key to democracy. Potus agrees. And like his predecessors, he proposes that a "web cam" be installed in the Oval Office, so that all constituents can view their leaders all of the time, whether in action or at rest. This should suffice to eliminate boring, self-promotional State of the Union speeches, warmongering, those exercises in evasion known as press conferences, and all forms of authoritarianism that disturb us so greatly today.