Human beings have made a mess of politics. They get all tangled up overseas, spending hundreds of billions of dollars every year interfering in the politics and private lives of people they do not even know. They bring violence to every corner of the world and they sow corruption in all places they spend their ill-gotten money. They have become insensitive and gross, and are obsessed with laws that turn working people against one another and make life just one big, complicated mess for everybody.
Given the fact that things could not possibly be worse, we urge you to VOTE HAMSTER in the presidential election of the year 2008. If Diddley Squat and Bupkes are not on your ballot, either in the party-of-your-choice primary or in the general election, you should write them in. Why a hamster? Well, we can give you at least ten good reasons:
- Hamsters don't do 'phone sex'
- Hamsters are for peace
- Hamsters will not waste money on stupid stuff
- Hamsters will not interfere with your life
- Hamsters will never lie to you
- Hamsters won't use courts to persecute their adversaries
- Hamsters will cut your taxes down to dimes and pennies
- Hamsters are not arrogant, authoritarian, power-hungry idiots
- Hamsters do not defend the interests of a cannibalistic ruling class
- Hamsters stand for orderly anarchy
HAMSTER PLEDGE
If what you want is clean, honest, uncomplicated government, electing a sensible, sane hamster like Diddley Squat is the way to go. With Diddley Squat in the White House, and with the last human administ-ration a thing of the past, we shall go to work to elect the nation's first all-rodent Congress. There will be no committees, no budget hearings, no heavy-handed big brother snooping and lecturing, no foreign policy, no multi-trillion-dollar weapons procurements, no sneaky intelligence operations, and -- above all -- an end to nasty government secrecy and the mystical, unfair taxation system. |
If elected president, we, Diddley Squat and Bupkes, direct descendants of the honorable Mister Ganja, promise that there will be no corruption, no scandals, no war, no greedy power-grabs, and no pork-barrell favoritism on my watch. Prosperity at all levels will be certain. The economy will grow and there will be fresh greens in every cage, unlimited birdseed for all, and an abundance of little hamster treats that everyone can afford. Whether you are small beast like me or human, I will trust you completely, and I promise to make no rules to suppress your behavior or to inhibit your independent, creative spirit. |
 With tremendous pain and sadness we announce that Mister Ganja left this world on the night of June 22, 1998, at exactly 11:17 p.m. He was two-and-a-half years of age, well over the average for a hamster. He joins his wife Shelly, who passed away November 2, 1997. (The two of them are shown together in the pictures at  left and below.)Mister Ganja was in every way an extraordinary hamster. Until the end, he was full of life and energy. He was remarried after Shelly's death to young Brigit, and left behind many descendants, including a litter of five children born April 30, 1998 -- just seven and a half weeks before his demise. These young sons and daughters had just been taken to the local pet store when Ganja suffered the heart attack that ended his long, happy life. We were in time to retrieve a young daughter from that litter, who we brought home and named Ms. Ganjette in honor of her father. This web page will continue to carry the name and the high ideals of its great founder. 
And daughter Ganjette will replace her father as a candidate for
president of the United States in election year 2000.
Rest in peace, beloved Ganja and Shelly
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Ms. Ganjette, the daughter of Mr. Ganja, was born 30 April 1998, shortly before the death of her beloved father and first Hamster For President candidate. Upon the death of Mr. Ganja, Ms. Ganjette took a husband, Scratch, and assumed her father's place in the race for the White House in election year 2000. Ms. Ganjette died peacefully on 25 February 2000, leaving her husband Scratch, who immediately resigned as vice presidential candidate. A national Hamster For President convention was held in Washington, D.C. in July to select new nominees. Scratch, by then a venerable old hamster, chaired the convention which was attended by thousands of hamsters from all over the country. The convention chose Diddley Squat and Yarash, Junior -- two brothers and littermates -- as candidates for president and vice-president, respectively. As was Scratch's wish, the two candidates are descendants of the famous couple. They are the sons of Yarash and Jade; Jade is the daughter of Booker T. Hamster; Booker T. is the son of Hamster Balu; and Hamster Balu is the daughter of Ms. Ganjette and Scratch. In other words, Diddley and Yarash Junior ("YJ") are the great-great grandchildren of Ms. Ganjette and Scratch. Ms. Ganjette lives on in the honorable campaign being run by her descendants.
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Shelly, you mean everything to us.
Nothing, and no one, will ever dim our fond memories of you.
From the time
you came to live with us, an adorable but scared young hamster, and as you
matured to a soft, sweet, and amazingly gentle friend, the two years we
shared will be memorable for many things, but mostly because of you. Rest
in peace, dearest one. And go to God knowing that we loved you then, we
love you now, and we always will, precious Shelly.
